# would you choose your dog or your partner if forced to choose?



## tricia beaver (Jul 16, 2011)

If your other half said "its me or the dog" which would you choose?

I would say my dogs. We moved from washington state to north carolina to be near his family and, well, he developed a home turf attitude and isnt helping me with anything. He set up the tv, the ps3, the bed and a chair to sit in and play videogames and thats about it. Every day he invites old friends over! He isnt helping me feed the dogs or medicate his dog. I told him they were out of water and asked if he could refill it....two hours later he still hasnt done squat.... 
He has friends over tonight and i said i wasnt feeling to well so i could lay down. I'm just getting tired of it. I called my siberian onto the bed to lay with me, they laid in the bed every day since we got them until we moved here. He came in and told me to get the dog off the bed. Really?


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## Noodlesmadison (Sep 18, 2011)

Dog
Animals are loyal - people are not always


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## Rvent (Apr 15, 2012)

I would tell him it was nice knowing ya! goodbye.


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## lauren43 (Feb 6, 2011)

My dog. This has actually come up in my current relationship, he's simply not a dog person. He would never let me give Avery up (not that I'd ever consider it)...but he and Avery have a love hate relationship..


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## RawPitbulls (Feb 7, 2013)

I would NEVER get rid of my dog for a guy! My dog is loyal always. People lie, cheat, and steal. But, I also wouldn't date anyone who isn't a dog lover. So I don't see that situation ever coming about.


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## tricia beaver (Jul 16, 2011)

lauren43 said:


> My dog. This has actually come up in my current relationship, he's simply not a dog person. He would never let me give Avery up (not that I'd ever consider it)...but he and Avery have a love hate relationship..


I know what you mean. Jon got our first dog, a husky lab mix. He never plays with her because she wont play fetch...not that he ever trained her to. And complains that they dont listen to him, though he never does anything with them.


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## RawPitbulls (Feb 7, 2013)

tricia beaver said:


> I know what you mean. Jon got our first dog, a husky lab mix. He never plays with her because she wont play fetch...not that he ever trained her to. And complains that they dont listen to him, though he never does anything with them.


There's a lot more to play than fetch! Maybe they can both go on a hike to strengthen their bond!


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## tricia beaver (Jul 16, 2011)

RawPitbulls said:


> There's a lot more to play than fetch! Maybe they can both go on a hike to strengthen their bond!


I cant get him to hike with me, let alone take the dogs on a walk. I rescued a pit mix from the streets and all he knows is how to play fetch(dont want to know how many times i have tried to teach that dog something else!) Seeing the rescue play fetch makes him think dusty should know it. He kept the rescue and practically ignores dusty and my dog koda (who he claims hates him. She is shy and he hasnt done anything to get her to warm up to him)


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## RawPitbulls (Feb 7, 2013)

tricia beaver said:


> I cant get him to hike with me, let alone take the dogs on a walk. I rescued a pit mix from the streets and all he knows is how to play fetch(dont want to know how many times i have tried to teach that dog something else!) Seeing the rescue play fetch makes him think dusty should know it. He kept the rescue and practically ignores dusty and my dog koda (who he claims hates him. She is shy and he hasnt done anything to get her to warm up to him)


I see. Everyone has their quirks I guess!


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## FBarnes (Feb 17, 2013)

Tricia it doesn't seem like your decision is between your dog and your partner. It seems like your decision is to stay with a man who doesnt do much but hang out with buddies playing video games and won't help you with any responsible or useful activities


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## tricia beaver (Jul 16, 2011)

RawPitbulls said:


> I see. Everyone has their quirks I guess!


Ya he is a pain sometimes but i love him!


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## Kat (Jul 12, 2011)

Definitley would choose my dogs! They were with me first, and I made a commitment to them when I brought them into my life. I would never ever part with my dogs.


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## Unosmom (May 3, 2009)

I've had my dog longer than any relationship, so no, I wouldn't even consider giving up my dog if the person I was seeing simply didnt like him. I was recently dating someone and he freaked out when Uno decided to curl up on the couch next to me while I was watching a movie. Then we got into an argument over adoption process. He said it's ridiculous to pay adoption fees and go through the process when adopting a pet. I explained to him why they do what they do. Most rescues care deeply about their animals and something as little as an adoption fee, home check and reference is a small price to pay for the unconditional love you get in return. 
It just basically came down to how we view pets, he thinks of them as a source of temporary entertainment that require minimal care and are easily replaced, I consider my pets to be members of the family. 
So yeah, that would have never worked out.


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

I'm glad that I won't ever be forced to decide because that would be impossible for me. Jon and I center our relationship around our dogs. No dogs = no relationship. 

I agree with FBarnes, it just sounds like you have some things that need to be worked on in your relationship. Have you tried talking about it?


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## wolfsnaps88 (Jan 2, 2012)

Oh my husband knows where he stands. LOL. The lab was supposed to be his dog. He wanted him and he brought Hunter home. Then we got Sarge who was my dog. Then we got Dozer who is my dog but Gary likes to show him off to his friends because of the mastiff's cool physical appearance. However, they WANT to be around me. Gary wants one of the big dogs to go to bed with him and none of the dogs want to. LOL. And he wonders why? Um maybe because I do everything...walk them, feed them, play with them, vet them, let them out to relieve themselves, etc. Gary is not really a dog person. 

HOWEVER, he knows and respects that I am. He helps me acquire meat for their raw diets. He makes sure that I can get things done (vet appointments, etc). He will sometimes make the effort to walk them with me or let them out if Im sick or something. 

So my point is, there has to be some compromise. There has to be some redeeming quality in your partner when it comes to your dogs. We can't all be so fortunate to find that perfect companion that is as crazy about our dogs as we are (Looking at you Natalie, you lucky girl). But if there is no give and take, the relationship will suffer in the end. I mean, you are already upset about things, imagine 5-10 years down the road. 

If I were you, I would have a serious talk with him when you can have his complete attention. Let him know how you feel and how important and serious you take dog ownership. You aren't married or have kids yet, so you could walk away at this point and find someone who respects how you treat your dogs. And maybe feels the same way about them.


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## DaViking (Sep 27, 2011)

tricia beaver said:


> If your other half said "its me or the dog" which would you choose?
> 
> I would say my dogs. We moved from washington state to north carolina to be near his family and, well, he developed a home turf attitude and isnt helping me with anything. He set up the tv, the ps3, the bed and a chair to sit in and play videogames and thats about it. Every day he invites old friends over! He isnt helping me feed the dogs or medicate his dog. I told him they were out of water and asked if he could refill it....two hours later he still hasnt done squat....
> He has friends over tonight and i said i wasnt feeling to well so i could lay down. I'm just getting tired of it. I called my siberian onto the bed to lay with me, they laid in the bed every day since we got them until we moved here. He came in and told me to get the dog off the bed. Really?


FWIW. Sounds like the two of you should have some sit downs talking about mutual respect in the relationship and what it takes for both of you to be happy and feel valued. Just my $0.02 :smile:


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## sozzle (May 18, 2011)

My husband loves Stanley just as much as me (if that's possible) and I would hate to choose and don't think I would ever have to as he is just as committed to him as I am. In fact he suggested tonight that for our 20th wedding anniversary later in the year we should get another greyhound!! (I've just had a look on the website and one of Stanley's half sisters is up for adoption?????).
I, however am the one that walks, feeds and generally looks after him as I am at home during the day, and Stanley loves me best of all. But husband will do anything I ask at the drop of a hat, he's that kind of guy, really kind, loyal and hardworking and very very honest and I love him very much.
However, a single friend of mine with two rescue dogs, has an occasional boyfriend who can't understand her commitment to them and doesn't understand the bond or why an earth you would ever 'talk' to a dog! He sounds like a complete pillock to me. She would never give up her dogs for him, unfortunately she often puts them in another part of the house when he comes to visit. Makes me bloody mad, but it is her life.


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## creek817 (Feb 18, 2012)

wolfsnaps88 said:


> Oh my husband knows where he stands. LOL. The lab was supposed to be his dog. He wanted him and he brought Hunter home. Then we got Sarge who was my dog. Then we got Dozer who is my dog but Gary likes to show him off to his friends because of the mastiff's cool physical appearance. However, they WANT to be around me. Gary wants one of the big dogs to go to bed with him and none of the dogs want to. LOL. And he wonders why? Um maybe because I do everything...walk them, feed them, play with them, vet them, let them out to relieve themselves, etc. Gary is not really a dog person.
> 
> HOWEVER, he knows and respects that I am. He helps me acquire meat for their raw diets. He makes sure that I can get things done (vet appointments, etc). He will sometimes make the effort to walk them with me or let them out if Im sick or something.
> 
> ...


That's basically my situation too - Graham loves Dobby, but he is 10000% my dog. Graham will play with him sometimes, or have a cuddle, but he's not quite as much of a dog person as I am. But he is getting more and more supportive of my love of my dog and dog sports, and we are making it work so far. There have been moments where I've been in that position, and the choice is always Dobby. But, Graham has never asked me to choose, and I hope I don't have to.

Sarah - if you get another greyhound we need a TON of pictures!!!!


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## doggiedad (Jan 23, 2011)

we do lots of things with "our dog" together and seperately. i don't see a how
a dog can cause a problem in a relation. if you had the dog when you met there
shouldn't be a problem. if you got the dog after the relation developed didn't
you discuss getting a dog? the dog isn't the problem.


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## doggiedad (Jan 23, 2011)

yeah, i know where i stand and lay. wherever she tells me.



wolfsnaps88 said:


> >>>>>> Oh my husband knows where he stands. LOL.<<<<<<
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## MollyWoppy (Mar 19, 2010)

doggiedad said:


> yeah, i know where i stand and lay. wherever she tells me.


Well, it's nice to finally meet a man who knows his place! Now, go and find some dishes to do, ok?

And, TB, I feel for you, I really do. That was one hell of a move you made, right across the country, obviously for your other half and now he's treating you like crap. You probably left friends, family and your whole support system behind and don't know a soul where you are. Other than his friends of course. I know how it feels to move away from everything and everyone you know, it's very lonely and very humbling experience.
You guys do need to sit down and talk. You need to tell him exactly how you feel, don't hold back, how hurt you obviously are, how lonely, whatever is on your mind. I really hope it's just a phase, that he's just being a macho man at the moment, that it will settle down when things aren't as new anymore.

And, in answer to your original question. If my husband said to me that I had to choose between Mollie and him, without a fathom of a doubt it would be Mollie. The reason being that I would not want to be with someone who tried to force me to make a choice like that when they know how much Mollie means to me. The second reason is that if for some odd reason I did end up choosing my other half, I would never forgive him for hurting me to the depth of my soul, so I think the relationship would struggle to survive anyway. 

Good luck, I hope your other half comes to his senses.


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## doggiedad (Jan 23, 2011)

i really shouldn't reply to this post but i did the dishes earlier. lol.



MollyWoppy said:


> >>>>> Well, it's nice to finally meet a man who knows his place! Now, go and find some dishes to do, ok?<<<<<
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Herzo (Feb 5, 2011)

MollyWoppy said:


> Well, it's nice to finally meet a man who knows his place! Now, go and find some dishes to do, ok?
> 
> And, TB, I feel for you, I really do. That was one hell of a move you made, right across the country, obviously for your other half and now he's treating you like crap. You probably left friends, family and your whole support system behind and don't know a soul where you are. Other than his friends of course. I know how it feels to move away from everything and everyone you know, it's very lonely and very humbling experience.
> You guys do need to sit down and talk. You need to tell him exactly how you feel, don't hold back, how hurt you obviously are, how lonely, whatever is on your mind. I really hope it's just a phase, that he's just being a macho man at the moment, that it will settle down when things aren't as new anymore.
> ...


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This. There just seems to be something very lacking in your relationship. Not sure how old you are, I'm a bit older and I hate to say this but just because you love him I don't think in the long run if he doesn't change it can last. Sort of been there done that, luckily I wasn't married and had no kids, it was a long hale out and now just can't imagine what I saw in the loser.

My dear hubby would never ask me such a thing, he loves them as much as I do. Even though I sort of forced Maddie on him just told him I was going in and getting her, he doesn't know what he would do with out her now.



Oh and I wanted to tell you I'm so sorry, you have some very though decisions to make and they won't be easy. You have my sympathy.


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## tricia beaver (Jul 16, 2011)

I already know our relationship wont last more then a couple more years. He wants kids and i dont. He wants to stay in nc and i have been planning to go to alaska for school for over 10 years now. I pretty much have decided to wait till i can find a job and support my self before anything else. We gor married when i was 18 ( yep i know) and im 21 now. He is a good guy but we have too many differences for it to really work out. We both know this and have been trying to co exist until i have enough money to go to school.


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## naturalfeddogs (Jan 6, 2011)

I don't see it happening here. Wayne loves the dogs like kids. He also says he knows he would go before the dogs..... at least he does have a good grip on reality!


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## InkedMarie (Sep 9, 2011)

I've been married for 31 years but had never had pets, other than fish. He knew I wanted a dog and finally, after having two kids, got my dog. He would never give me an ultimatum. That's not what partners do. You talk about everything, making a decision together. He would prefer we have two dogs, and we did, for a year and a half. It didn't take much, really, for him to agree to another third. It had to be the right time. He really didn't want another sheltie but knew how much I did. He also knows how much I love bringing in a senior dog. It just so happens we found a senior dog, who just happened to be a sheltie. Enter Gemma. I could have just brought her home but I don't do that. We talk.
I don't think you have a promising relationship, OP.


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## Dude and Bucks Mamma (May 14, 2011)

MollyWoppy said:


> And, in answer to your original question. If my husband said to me that I had to choose between Mollie and him, without a fathom of a doubt it would be Mollie. The reason being that I would not want to be with someone who tried to force me to make a choice like that when they know how much Mollie means to me. The second reason is that if for some odd reason I did end up choosing my other half, I would never forgive him for hurting me to the depth of my soul, so I think the relationship would struggle to survive anyway.


^^^This. I couldn't have said it any better myself. It's funny because we were just talking about this today. I would choose my dogs because THEY didn't choose to be a part of our family. WE chose to bring them in. Therefore, it is my responsibility to keep them with me and care for them for the rest of their lives. Like MollyWoppy said, I wouldn't want to be with a man who would make me make that decision. I love all four of my boys and choosing the three dogs over Nick would kill me but I could never forgive him for making me do it. 

Thankfully, Nick was easily turned from someone who grew up with dogs being outdoor animals to someone who can't fathom sleeping without a dog in the bed. He has turned into what we call a "dog snob" (like us here whose lives pretty much revolve around our dogs) and can't wait for the day Iorveth is a couple of years old so he can get his Belgian Malinois (we like to wait a coupe of years before adding another dog so the puppy can have our focus and learn what young dogs need to learn). 

When we got married I had Dude already. I have had him for 9.5 years now and have been married for over 2 years. He knew that, if he wanted to marry me, he had to accept Dude too. We were a package deal. When we struggled with getting my mom to let me have Dude because she was upset with me for moving two states away, Nick refused to leave California without him. We call him the "stepchild" but he has bonded with Nick and is definitely HIS dog. If any of our dogs love Nick it's definitely Dude. Whenever we go somewhere he'll ask if dogs are allowed (we live in a ridiculously dog friendly town) so we can take them with us. 

TB, I think you need to really talk to him about what's going on. I got married at 20 and will be 23 this summer so I know what it's like to be married young. In addition, I did the big move to be with him as well. My husband is in the Navy and is stationed two states away from my family. Regardless, the two of you are in this together and, if you want this marriage to survive, you need to figure out why he is acting this way when he didn't before. If he wanted the dog he needs to be responsible for the dog. Taking care of the dogs should be a joint effort. In our house no one has the job of letting the dogs out or feeding them (puppy excluded) or bathing them or trimming nails, etc. It's a joint effort. Sometimes I feed. Sometimes he feeds. Sometimes he bathes, sometimes I bathe. Or I'll feed one and he'll feed the others or he'll bathe one and I'll bathe the others. Neither of us does everything for the dogs while the other does nothing.


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## mewlittle (Mar 18, 2013)

Furbaby comes first then a human partner


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## swolek (Mar 31, 2011)

I'd pick the dog because if my man asked me to get rid of her then he obviously isn't the one for me. It would be the same if I asked him to get rid of his cat. But we're both animal lovers and it wouldn't happen anyway, he loves Sophie .


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