# Ugh.



## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

I am in grad. school so I have been living with my parents again for the past 2 years. 

Henry is their dog, Millie is mine. BUT, Henry thinks he is my dog. Anyway, my mom is the one that started with the pre-made raw, and I am the one who has taken it to another level with the REAL raw. 

Lately, my mom has been throwing a FIT about raw chicken being "everywhere in the house!"  Um, the raw chicken goes from the fridge, to the cutting board, to outside where they eat. I am VERY good at cleaning up, and _honestly_, I'm just not that overly worried about germs anyway. But today she started a huge fight saying I need to move out, and Henry is looking too thin (which he is NOT), and I need to feed the NV medallions instead, etc. I have been feeding them outside on the pool deck, but to appease her this morning, I fed them on a towel. THEN she threw a HUGE fit because the _towel_ is going into the wash and thus "chicken is everywhere in this house!" :frown: Btw, the dogs don't make a mess...there is NO chicken on that towel! Ugh, luckily my dad stepped in and offered to bring some cardboard from work for the dogs to eat on, LOL! Not a bad idea, I guess. (If it were up to me, though, they'd just eat on the ground!)

It's really frustrating. I give her information to read about the raw diet, and she says "I'm too busy!" and won't read it. But then, she complains that her dog is "too skinny" or her HUMAN _surgeon friend_ said "they're going to get salmonella!"  She won't stop saying, "I'm just not comfortable with what you're doing to my dog." 

I am so frustrated! Why do I care more about her dog than she does? I mean, I know she loves him, but I am actually dedicated to doing whatever it takes. No wonder he thinks I am his mommy :biggrin:


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

Unfortunately if Henry is her dog she is ultimately in charge of what goes with him. Maybe tell her that if she is making any decisions for him that she needs to make all decisions and take all responsibility for him. Meaning there is a strong line between your dog and hers. She is in charge of taking care of him, exercising him, entertaining him, feeding him, etc. From the sounds of it you may do all of this already even though he is her dog?

Also, maybe ask her what they make NV medallions out of? Sterile raw chicken?! Those medallions are just as raw as a raw meaty bone, just processed with more ingredients. With feeding any raw meats/foods there is a risk of salmonella, but that isn't even a threat to normal healthy dogs....?!


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

I took over all of the caring duties for Henry when I got my own puppy, Millie, because if I am feeding her, well, I'll feed him! If I am walking her, I'll walk him. Etc. If I stopped doing all of that, she would resume "being his mommy", but I just love him too much and I want to feed him a raw diet, etc. She does too, but she's not as educated or dedicated about it.

When I try to explain things in a factual way, that's when she starts the, "you better listen here, girl". And I'm all...."okay _lady_, I am 25 don't talk to me like that!" It's not good!  Anyway, hopefully it will be less of an issue once I start feeding them on cardboard  and preparing all of the meat before I freeze it (so our house doesn't feel like a butcher shop).

And whenever I do move out, it will be with my boyfriend, and then I will have a whole NEW task: getting him used to the raw feeding!


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## SpooOwner (Oct 1, 2010)

I find that people have to come to this themselves. My neighbors thought I was crazy and going to kill my dog, until one of them met a raw food supplier on a trip who shared an article with her. Now she is fascinated by the health benefits of raw and can't stop talking about it with everyone else in the neighborhood. Somehow having a second person on board gives raw feeding a legitimacy that it didn't have when I was the only one.


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## whiteleo (Sep 7, 2008)

My dogs carry meat and bones all over my house, right now they are chewing on rib bones beside me in the office, one is in the t.v. room chewing on the rug. 

This is life, germs are everywhere. I've gotten more sick from getting the flu shot the prior last two years than I've ever gotten from my dogs eating a raw diet. BTW, I didn't a flu shot this year and people at work have been sick right an left, me, not yet!


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## RachelsaurusRexU (Sep 4, 2010)

What does your dad think about it? Do you think you could educate him and get him on board? Maybe that would facilitate in squashing your mother's qualms with PMR.


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

RachelsaurusRexU said:


> What does your dad think about it? Do you think you could educate him and get him on board? Maybe that would facilitate in squashing your mother's qualms with PMR.


Agreed :biggrin:


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## schtuffy (May 17, 2010)

What about those flexible cutting board things? I got a set of 3 for around 2 bucks. I decided I didn't like to use them for my own chopping purposes and thought it would be a good 'place mat' for Louis to eat off of. You can probably train your dogs to keep their food on it, and then just wash them off in the sink as you would when handling raw meat surfaces for humans. Who knows, the cardboard might get soggy and gross your mom out too. You should start convincing the boyfriend now :biggrin:


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

Oh, that's the other thing!!! She told me to use the laundry room sink instead of the kitchen sink when I remove the skin. (Like to rinse utensils, etc.). Umm..... I'm pretty sure its more sanitary to use the kitchen sink with the garbage disposal....besides that is where SHE prepares OUR chicken!! My dad stepped in there, too :biggrin:


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

You should ask her what the logic in her ways of thinking are...because I see no logic there LOL


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

danemama08 said:


> You should ask her what the logic in her ways of thinking are...because I see no logic there LOL


Tell me about it!!


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## magicre (Apr 7, 2010)

i think when people are against something and aren't real knowledgeable about why they don't like it, they just know it's wrong, wrong, wrong......anything they say is not going to make sense to someone who is knowledgeable.

having said that wordy mouthful....i have never converted anyone who didn't want to be, except my husband.....because i'm the one that uses the argument....if i can't smoke, neither can you.....these are your dogs, too, but i feed them, and i need you on board....

so, rather than convert your parents, start saving up your money and time to jump out of the nest. i know it's hard, being in grad school.....but it's the only way to do what you know is right....


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## blue (Jan 13, 2010)

I know this is an older thread, but, there's good chance that this mother is not actually upset about the raw feeding at all. She could be upset because an adult child came back home and took her dog away from her.
Perhaps including her would make a difference...mom the dogfood is ready, do you want to feed Henry? Mom, Henry needs to go out, do you want to walk him with me and Millie? Mom, do you know where I can buy cheaper chicken? Mom you want to drive to the wholesalers with me? Adult children seem to have a hard time letting thier moms feel useful and the moms whole world is changing out of her control. Cut her some slack, make her feel wanted, and I'd bet she will come around. She's having a hard time too.


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

BrownieM said:


> I am in grad. school so I have been living with my parents again for the past 2 years.
> 
> Henry is their dog, Millie is mine. BUT, Henry thinks he is my dog. Anyway, my mom is the one that started with the pre-made raw, and I am the one who has taken it to another level with the REAL raw.
> 
> ...


Ok, after reading this whole thread I want to make sure that I have this straight. This mother allowed her adult daughter to move home so the daughter could save some money while she goes to grad school. Then the mother started a new feeding program for her dog and invited the daughter to join the new program with her own dog. I think I have that part right. Then the daughter (That's you, by the way.) decided to change the program, not only for her own dog but also for her mothers dog. Not only that, but she also took over all the care of her mothers dog as well.

Why do you not understand what you did here? You moved into your mothers house, took away HER dog, completely disregarded her wishes and her feelings, and in essence you have pushed her out of her role as the female lead of this household. These things are what your mom is really upset about. If you take a step back maybe you will be able to see it, maybe not. But that is what you have done.

If you want to fix this with your mom then you need to give her back her dog and then back off. She has a right to feed her dog how ever she likes, IT'S HER DOG! Oh Yeah, it's also HER HOUSE! Not yours. You are a tenet there. You do not have the right to move back in and take over anything. I know you wanted to come on here and cry and whine with righteous indignation over how your being treated, but you are completely in the WRONG! Oh, and the person that suggested that you get your dad to go against his wife and side with you was also wrong. You do not have the right to cause any more friction between your parents. 

So the only advice I can give you at this point is stop being so self centered and spoiled. Start giving your mom the respect she deserves. I have a daughter your age, and if she treated her mother the way you are treating yours she would be finding someplace else to live, probably yesterday.


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## RachelsaurusRexU (Sep 4, 2010)

Tracmec said:


> Ok, after reading this whole thread I want to make sure that I have this straight. This mother allowed her adult daughter to move home so the daughter could save some money while she goes to grad school. Then the mother started a new feeding program for her dog and invited the daughter to join the new program with her own dog. I think I have that part right. Then the daughter (That's you, by the way.) decided to change the program, not only for her own dog but also for her mothers dog. Not only that, but she also took over all the care of her mothers dog as well.
> 
> Why do you not understand what you did here? You moved into your mothers house, took away her dog, completely disregarded her wishes and her feelings, and in essence you have pushed her out of her role as the female lead of this household. These things are what your mom is really upset about. If you take a step back maybe you will be able to see it, maybe not. But that is what you have done.
> 
> ...


WHOA. Who are you to come here and be so rude and nasty? Totally uncalled for.


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## RachelsaurusRexU (Sep 4, 2010)

Unless....you ARE BrownieM's mom, in which case this personal matter would probably be better dealt with privately rather than on a public forum.


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

She needs to know what she is doing to her mother, I don't see any other way to put it.


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## RachelsaurusRexU (Sep 4, 2010)

It's your first post on this forum and you come in slinging insults at people you don't even know. You don't think there's something wrong with that?


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

Tracmec said:


> She needs to know what she is doing to her mother, I don't see any other way to put it.


But this gives you NO right to ASSUME what THEIR _personal_ situation is like. And its not like BrownieM made all of these decisions without her mom's consent. You make it sound like she STOLE her mom's dog....which is not the case. 

Maybe until you spend a bit more time here you should keep your crass comments to yourself...you know that little rule you learned in kindergarten? If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all? 

Remember that it takes showing respect to others to gain it yourself, and I have to say that your first post here didn't gain you much respect from me :frown:

Maybe try introducing yourself first. Thats a good place to start.


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

She posted on a public forum. She wants people to hold her hand and tell her she is in the right after making out that her mother is this awful, unfair person. She did take over her mothers dog, she said so in her own post. I did not assume anything. She was not asking if she was right to feed Raw, She was asking if she was in the right to feed Raw even though her mother doesn't want her to, which she is not 'In the right'. Her mother was fine with the original feeding program that she had started, the daughter needed to respect her mother and stick with that program until she had her own place, not change it and expect her mother to just go along with it. I did not realize that this was a forum where the advice had to be sugarcoated or one where you could only agree with the OP or not be able to post.


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## DaneMama (Jun 27, 2008)

I never said that you could express your opinion but rather do so in a more respectful and less rude manner. Because that is how things are done here.


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## SamWu1 (Oct 15, 2010)

Tracmec said:


> She posted on a public forum. She wants people to hold her hand and tell her she is in the right after making out that her mother is this awful, unfair person. She did take over her mothers dog, she said so in her own post. I did not assume anything. She was not asking if she was right to feed Raw, She was asking if she was in the right to feed Raw even though her mother doesn't want her to, which she is not 'In the right'. Her mother was fine with the original feeding program that she had started, the daughter needed to respect her mother and stick with that program until she had her own place, not change it and expect her mother to just go along with it. I did not realize that this was a forum where the advice had to be sugarcoated or one where you could only agree with the OP or not be able to post.


Almost seems as a personal vendetta between you and her. I'm not biased towards either person and I certainly don't know the situation between her and her mother and neither do you so why not discuss the situation rather than scold her as if you knew more than what you read.


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

Whoa! What the heck is going on here? I haven't even read all of these new posts yet, but relax everybody! My mom and I are getting along fine...She wants Henry to eat a raw diet, she enjoys that I take care of him but, like many people, is a bit uneasy about feeding him raw, bone-in meat. She hasn't done the research so she panics when she talks to people like vets who are against a raw diet. However, she knows that he is healthy and happy - and for _that_ she, too, is happy!

ETA: 
Tracmec, I don't know who you are, and I am not sure why you posted with such abruptness and made such assumptions. The original point of this thread was because I was frustrated. I know so much more about raw feeding than my mom does and that makes it hard for us to agree on many things. That is all. I promise you my mom _wants_ me to live here. She enjoys that I help out with her dog. And - he still insists on sleeping in her bed, so I think that technically makes him her dog. :wink:


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

Tracmec said:


> Ok, after reading this whole thread I want to make sure that I have this straight. This mother allowed her adult daughter to move home so the daughter could save some money while she goes to grad school. Then the mother started a new feeding program for her dog and invited the daughter to join the new program with her own dog. I think I have that part right. Then the daughter (That's you, by the way.) decided to change the program, not only for her own dog but also for her mothers dog. Not only that, but she also took over all the care of her mothers dog as well.
> 
> Why do you not understand what you did here? You moved into your mothers house, took away HER dog, completely disregarded her wishes and her feelings, and in essence you have pushed her out of her role as the female lead of this household. These things are what your mom is really upset about. If you take a step back maybe you will be able to see it, maybe not. But that is what you have done.
> 
> ...


Actually, Tacmec, the more this settles I am realizing that you have offended me very much. What give you the right to call me self-centered and spoiled? What makes you assume that my own mother thinks this? What ever happened to giving someone the benefit of the doubt?

The point of this thread was NOT to "whine with righteous indignation over how I am being treated".?!?! Rather, to vent because it is HARD to feed raw when so many people around you disagree and say you are going to kill your dog. If you feel so strongly that I am "self-centered and spoiled" wouldn't it be more respectful to keep it to yourself? I also guarantee that my own mother would beg to differ about your assumption of me.

Can't you imagine that it might be hard for my mother to accept raw feeding when her friends are not knowledgeable about raw feeding and _she_ is not (very) knowledgeable about raw feeding? And can't you see how this might lead to some tension between my mom and I? 

I still cannot understand why you would tell someone they are spoiled, on an online forum, whom you do not know and therefore cannot possibly have enough facts to accurately make an assumption?

It is a shame because, who knows, you might have had some valuable information to share on this forum! I will have a hard time regaining respect for you when the very first words you said to me were disrespectful.

ETA: Blunt is one thing. I can handle someone saying, "Your mom is probably upset because it is her dog and she feels you have taken over." But to outright call me spoiled and self-centered is not blunt. That is rude and hurtful.

Finally, I promise you my mom would be very disappointed if I stopped taking Henry for walks everyday, stopped feeding him when she isn't around, bathing and blow drying him, etc. I help her out with Henry and she helps me out with Millie. We are a family and we help each other out.


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

Please go back and read post #13. I think that Blue was really trying to help you and gave some great advice.


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## CorgiPaws (Mar 31, 2009)

In all honesty, if I were in BrownieM's shoes, I'd be quite offended too. 
At the same time, holding grudges won't get us anywhere.


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

Yes, I did read Blue's post this morning and I did find it to be helpful.


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

CorgiPaws said:


> In all honesty, if I were in BrownieM's shoes, I'd be quite offended too.
> At the same time, holding grudges won't get us anywhere.


BrownieM is offended by the words of a stranger, a stranger who means nothing to her. If her mother were to read this thread and see the way her daughter presented her, how offended do you think she would be? Those words were written by someone who means the world to her and posted in public. I wanted BrownieM to think about that. People can get over being offended by strangers. Offending your family members can have repercussions that can last for years. I am sure that BrownieM is a very nice person, but in her original posts on this thread she sure wasn't acting like it. And yes, I realize that I didn't either.


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## BrownieM (Aug 30, 2010)

I just want to say that I have been reading this entire thing to my mom...:wink: 

And also, we both made compromises about 10 days ago. All is well. The original intent of this thread was actually not to receive advice or judgement on my personal relationship with my mom. We have a very close relationship which, inevitably, leads to arguments sometimes. I have now learned to be more careful about what I post. I was simply frustrated because raw feeding can be a rocky road, especially when those around you don't support it. We had a big argument one day, and I sought empathy from a group of people who feed raw and who have been through struggles as well. I have read many other threads in this forum where people are venting about struggles they are experiencing. I simply needed support and literally don't know anyone else that feeds raw. (Sad, huh?) 

I am not spoiled or self-centered. I did not provide enough facts for these assumptions to be accurately made and I realize now I should have provided even LESS detail to prevent any assumptions. Perhaps a post more like "I am frustrated because my mom doesn't support my decision to feed raw!!" would have been a better choice. Instead, I included specific details out of frustration and have now been inaccurately judged. I also provided details out of hopes that some people here might have solutions to the specific issues we were arguing over. One person suggested letting the dogs eat on plastic mats and that suggestion was very well taken by my mom. 

I am a socially conscious person and have always taken offense when others have opinions of me that I know are not justified, and that I _know_ they would not have if they were to actually meet me.


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## cast71 (Sep 16, 2010)

BrownieM said:


> One person suggested letting the dogs eat on plastic mats and that suggestion was very well taken by my mom.


I have a plastic cement mixing box in my kitchen. I trained my dog to eat in it. No mess on the floor and he cleans it up afterwards. I guess you can say it has a self cleaning mode built in ahahahaha


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## spookychick13 (Jan 26, 2010)

I have to say, I was surprised at how harshly this post was judged.

A lot of people have posted more provoking vent posts, without a doubt!


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## schtuffy (May 17, 2010)

BrownieM said:


> I just want to say that I have been reading this entire thing to my mom...:wink:
> 
> And also, we both made compromises about 10 days ago. All is well. The original intent of this thread was actually not to receive advice or judgement on my personal relationship with my mom. We have a very close relationship which, inevitably, leads to arguments sometimes. I have now learned to be more careful about what I post. I was simply frustrated because raw feeding can be a rocky road, especially when those around you don't support it. We had a big argument one day, and I sought empathy from a group of people who feed raw and who have been through struggles as well. I have read many other threads in this forum where people are venting about struggles they are experiencing. I simply needed support and literally don't know anyone else that feeds raw. (Sad, huh?)


I was in a similar situation as you until about a year ago, moving back in with my parents for 4 years after college. Although at the time I didn't even have Louis yet, sometimes living with family can be hard and definitely frustrating. I am really glad you worked things out with your mom regarding the raw feeding! If anything you are really lucky that you get to stay with your parents. You get to save a lot of money and eat homecooked meals :smile:


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## magicre (Apr 7, 2010)

my apologies. i think i mis read the first post....brownie....were you doing what i call a 'rant and rave'?

that's when you want to vent and don't expect a solution? 

if so, then have at it......didn't mean to give advice...rant and raves are sacrosanct


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## mischiefgrrl (Oct 28, 2010)

Sounds like a typical and healthy Mother-Daughter relationship to me. I have a 19 year old daughter and both of us ALWAYS know better than the other! We're very close, even if neither one of us is ever wrong.:wink:


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## Tracmec (Dec 13, 2010)

magicre said:


> my apologies. i think i mis read the first post....brownie....were you doing what i call a 'rant and rave'?
> 
> that's when you want to vent and don't expect a solution?
> 
> if so, then have at it......didn't mean to give advice...rant and raves are sacrosanct


This is where I went wrong also, and why I owed BrownieM an apology. By the way Brownie, You have a beautiful dog!


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