# Saying Goodbye is so hard



## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

I had to put my rescue Dane down due to an unknown cause of internal bleeding. It was so hard and I cried and I still cry. All i wanted for Jake was to have a better life and I poured my heart and soul into giving this boy everything I could, especially all the love he never had the first six months of his life. 

It was amazing watching him flourish. It was awesome to see him realize what a toy really was and he would ALWAYS be walking around with something in his jowls. He barely learned what to do with a toy before I had to make the decision to finally end his lifelong suffering at only 8 months old. 

see, when Jake came to me he was severely bloated, could not stand, underweight (of course), eating dirt and soils like it was his last meal, peeing black (not kidding), afraid of EVERYTHING, Lethargic, Just scared to death of a leaf blowing in the wind. Never seen a leash in his six months of life. But the worst was the bloating and the infestation of fleas and every internal parasite you could think of. 

I immediately began him on the raw diet. Was kicked out of the vets office since I fed raw. Seriously asked to leave and told what an injustice I was serving my animal by choosing to feed him raw and what a bad attitude I had against Science Diet that I was not welcome in this particular vets clinic-EVER!. The whole time Jake was in need of desperate medical attention with his head almost touching the floor, that is how low he carried it. I know this beautiful animal was hurting but wasn't sure the extreme of it all. Of course, this was the morning after getting Jake into my home. (I only had fed him 3 chicken necks I told the doc. And it was a far cry better than the dirt he was living on for 6 months to survive). 

Anyway, another vet later (come to think of it, the swollen belly was contributed just to wormies and malnutrition) boy do I know better now; I had Jakee on complete bed rest with lots and lots of attention and loving. I kept feeding raw which he ate with gusto until the last week of his life. I thought he was growing tired of the chicken, which was particularly the main part of his protien and I thought it gentle enough for his belly. I swear his belly was firming up. He gained a little more energy. The only thing I could never get under control was his fur. He lost spots of fur (contributed it to massive detox). His fur did start to shine a little. He was such a wonderful animal. Never deserved to be kicked and treated horribly and starved not to mention. I know he was kicked and beaten. He was scared of anything I picked up; wire hangers, broom, mop, etc. He started learning his basic commands and was so very smart. He always had a look of sadness about him though. I thought it was just me, but now I know he lived every day in pain possibly. 

I noticed his belly swelling again and really hard. Scared to death of bloat I made an immediate appointment with a specialist. Blood and Xrays were taking. I really did think they would put the hose down him or "fix" the bloat and we would bring him back home to make him into the creature he was supposed to be and HAPPY. Not the case. We had to leave our boy there to be cremated. (crying while I type). Never even said goodbye. I could not handle going back and saying goodbye to my big Jakee. He had suffered so much by the hands of the humans, I did want him to know I was leaving him cause I promised I would never let anyone else ever hurt him again. I still feel guilty that I did not catch the bleed sooner. How was I supposed to really know. 

The vet was not sure where the bleed was coming from. She did say she would send me to the ER where they could do an ultrasound to see where the bleed was and then try their best save him but she even thought he outcome would be futile at this point. Why put him through all of the strange people poking and prodding. I had to let him go unselfishly. Oh how i wanted to take him home and let him pop upon my bed and look at me with those eyes. I wanted to see him grow into a beautiful grown Dane. This is not what I wanted. 

I keep wondering if feeding the raw could cause the internal bleed. His stomach was full of blood, pushing his organs up and away from their norm, However remember he did come to me with a bloated stomach to begin with. I do feel he was kicked so hard (when he came to me his eye was bulging and so very painful, I assumed a good kick in the face did this to him) that an internal organ may of been the cause of the bleed. I think allowing him complete bed rest and great nutrition only prolonged his life. The bleed did slow down I feel, but then it opened back up because he started to feel better and hop around and play with my chiweenie more. I feel he just bled out. the vet said he needed a transfusion and he was already in shock, gums extremely pale and all. She said he felt extremely bad but not in pain. 

Sorry so long, first time to tell Jakees story that ended his life. So young. I really need reassurance that the raw diet was not an issue. I now have a new 7 week old puppy (dane) and I want to feed her raw but I am terrified to. Assurance please is much needed. Please be nice, those kibble feeders and non raw believers. I believe in the raw diet and I want to continue feeling great about feeding raw, Just at this point not knowing why Jakee was bleeding internally with no blood passing anywhere, scares me to heck. I know my new baby would love raw. Please, input to help me decide kibble or raw. Please......


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## kathylcsw (Jul 31, 2011)

I am so very sorry for your loss. You will always have the knowledge that you gave Jakee love and a chance at a good life. At least he knew love and caring the last part of his life.


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

kathylcsw said:


> I am so very sorry for your loss. You will always have the knowledge that you gave Jakee love and a chance at a good life. At least he knew love and caring the last part of his life.


That is exactly what his vet told me. Although it really doesn't make things feel any better. I miss him so very much. I only had him about six weeks, but I doted on him awful. He was my entire world since he needed so much of everything. In a snap it is gone. I had high hopes for him. I wanted him to know what love was and to never feel hungry again. Then in the end, I realized he suffered every single day in pain while slowly bleeding. It just hurts knowing he never was a puppy and never will be.Thanks for the reply. 
I have a new puppy, the avatar, and she is just wonderful. Very good breeder with very good ethics. She is bouncy and healthy. I already adore her. Breeder had her on Iams Large puppy. Don't care for Iams but so far I still have her on it until I make a decision on what to put her on that is of better quality. I want to feed raw, but now I am really scared to. Silly me.


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## nordanes (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm convinced that the raw diet was not the cause of his bleeding. I have fed raw for 13 years, raised two puppies on raw and 3 adults. I never had one single issue. I also have close to 60 dogs on a 30 year project, extending the life of giant and large breed dogs. They are all on the raw food diet. Most of them following the prey model. No issues for these dogs either. Several of these are young pups. Please do not let this stop you from feeding your Dane pup raw. Giant breed dogs benefit tremendously on a raw food diet. Feel feel to join my project at biggolddogs.com

Tom


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## Rvent (Apr 15, 2012)

I am so very sorry for your lose.


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## woganvonderweidenstrasse (Nov 22, 2012)

nordanes said:


> I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm convinced that the raw diet was not the cause of his bleeding. I have fed raw for 13 years, raised two puppies on raw and 3 adults. I never had one single issue. I also have close to 60 dogs on a 30 year project, extending the life of giant and large breed dogs. They are all on the raw food diet. Most of them following the prey model. No issues for these dogs either. Several of these are young pups. Please do not let this stop you from feeding your Dane pup raw. Giant breed dogs benefit tremendously on a raw food diet. Feel feel to join my project at biggolddogs.com
> 
> Tom


ibelongtojake, I am so, so sorry to hear this. Life is so cruel sometimes and we always feel like we had to control the situation better...or do something different to prevent it - but in the end it is not up to us. We do the best we can, but sometimes nature has to take it's coarse. Take solace in the fact that the last few weeks of his life were good weeks. Even if he had a bit of pain, he knew he was cared for and loved in the end. I am sure the new pup will make the mourning process easier and that she will bring tons of joy to your life. I myself have only fed raw for about 4 months now, but I've seen the results and i believe in it and will continue to feed my dog this way. But remember that it is not a miracle cure and it does not guarantee your pup will never get ill, as I said before, sometimes nature has to do what she has to do. What happened to Jake would probably have happened even if he was kibble fed.... he may not even have lasted this long. Just know that you did the best you could for him. 

nordanes...very cool project you have going...can I join? I own a GSD male.


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

nordanes said:


> I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm convinced that the raw diet was not the cause of his bleeding. I have fed raw for 13 years, raised two puppies on raw and 3 adults. I never had one single issue. I also have close to 60 dogs on a 30 year project, extending the life of giant and large breed dogs. They are all on the raw food diet. Most of them following the prey model. No issues for these dogs either. Several of these are young pups. Please do not let this stop you from feeding your Dane pup raw. Giant breed dogs benefit tremendously on a raw food diet. Feel feel to join my project at biggolddogs.com
> 
> 
> 
> Tom


Thank you everyone for being so supportive. I knew this site was awesome with such caring doggie parents. 

Tom, I would absolutely love to participate and join your project. I am going to check into it, so look for me over there. Thank you for encouraging me to continue the raw diet. I so needed to hear that. I will continue to feed the way I have also fed for over ten years. After extensive research, all I see that could of happened in Jakees case was bloat. But it never says anything about the stomach filling up with blood. The vet showed me the X-Rays, of course all I saw was a stomach filled with white. She confirmed it was very bad. I did see his organs all pushed up towards his backbone, so sad, and I am sure it was painful. They never even lead onto the pain. They are tremendous souls indeed and deserve the very best. That is why I want to continue feeding raw. All my dogs (4) were fed raw, always have been. Now they have been turned over to Iams. Yeah, I know, I can't believe it either. They must be really upset with me, they just really never show it. I will start her off slowly but all at once again with all of them. Out with the kibble and back in with the chicken for starters. She will love it, I know it. I know I will. Just scared. I hope I handle it ok. 
Thanks again Tom for the super encouragement. Going now to get some necks and wings. 

Also, I have been looking for a grinder (silly I know, but would make me feel better right now) and they are so darn expensive. I am not sure which one will grind the bone that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Does anyone know?


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## whiteleo (Sep 7, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss, words cannot console you but know that he will be waiting for you at the "Rainbow Bridge" I say that from him eating whatever he could before you got him caused severe gut issues and there was really nothing you could do. As a foster/rescuer I know that there are some dogs that cannot be saved but get strength from knowing that you gave him unconditional love while he was with you and he knows that!


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## Lia (Dec 15, 2012)

I`m very sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of losing a beloved dog too early.

To answer the grinder question, I got one from a place called One stop Jerky Shop. It cost $150! Cheapest one I found, and it goes through chicken, turkey and duck bones with no problem. Mind you, I haven`t put leg bones through it because I don`t want to push my luck. But, it works awesome! I live in Canada, and after shipping and tax it came to $207, and it shipped in 6 days which was impressive because I had it shipped over christmas holidays. It is a Tasin grinder and comes with 3 grinding plates, 2 blades, and a pretty good warranty!


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## MollyWoppy (Mar 19, 2010)

Ok. So, this puppy was horribly abused, kicked, starved, no medical care, had to eat dirt to survive and the first vet said that you caused internal bleeding by feeding one meal of raw?????? Good God, you have to be kidding me, I've never heard anything so pathetic in my whole life.
Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to Jake. You have him the best 2 months of his life. It sounds like you could not do any more for him than what you did. You did your absolute best and you can't ask for much more than that, you can't. He went knowing what love and affection was, he was happy. Your story made me cry, I can't believe people could do that to a loving pup, I really can't.
And, no, I'd be willing to bet a million dollars that feeding raw did not cause his problems. Don't let that even enter your head. It sounds to me like a kick to the stomach probably ruptured something. Poor Jake, he really didn't stand a chance with that sort of start to life. You are an angel IBtoJake.


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## naturalfeddogs (Jan 6, 2011)

So sorry, I hate to hear that. (((hugs))) It's never an easy thing to deal with.


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## Boxers&Pom's Mom (Jan 17, 2011)

I am so sorry! You love him and he knew that! Dogs can feel it better than humans. I share your pain. I just pick up Cassie's Ashes.We always wonder if we did enough for them. I can feel your pain in your post. So sorry!!


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## Janet At Nutro (Mar 11, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss.
My heart goes out to you.


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## MNBark (Jan 23, 2013)

I'm so sorry, and this was so unfair -- but at least he knew love, and that was the most wonderful gift you could give. In the end, he knew he had a family, and I truly believe that is what makes a dog happiest.


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## bett (Mar 15, 2012)

so sorry for your loss.


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## 1605 (May 27, 2009)

So very sorry to read of your loss. My sincere condolences.


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## InkedMarie (Sep 9, 2011)

I am so very sorry to read Jake's story.


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

Lia said:


> I`m very sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of losing a beloved dog too early.
> 
> To answer the grinder question, I got one from a place called One stop Jerky Shop. It cost $150! Cheapest one I found, and it goes through chicken, turkey and duck bones with no problem. Mind you, I haven`t put leg bones through it because I don`t want to push my luck. But, it works awesome! I live in Canada, and after shipping and tax it came to $207, and it shipped in 6 days which was impressive because I had it shipped over christmas holidays. It is a Tasin grinder and comes with 3 grinding plates, 2 blades, and a pretty good warranty!


I think this is an awesome price! Thank You so so much. I am going to look into ordering one. Wow, I have looked over and over and of course they will not tell you if they can handle bones or not from what I have read. Thank You for the information. It really makes me excited to hear this. Of course, I will want to feed bone and all without grinding eventually, as I always have because they love it so very much. I really want to start off with making ground patties, especially for the baby (probably me mostly) however, I have some news to shed some light on Jakees death. I am going to explain below.

You guys are the most wonderful and caring people I have ever ran across. What would I have done without all of you that have responded to my horrible pain and mourning. I know each of you are correct and right in everything you have sent to me in your messages. What I post will more than likely surprise everyone, it surely surprised me at the very vet I trusted my baby to and what she did following my baby boys death. Please take the time to read it. It has restored my faith in the veterinarian profession after being let down in the beginning with my boy. Again, you guys are just amazing and such caring people. Your babies are fortunate to have each and every one of you, as I and Jake do. Thank You. I am going to update everyone now in a post below.


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

I wanted to post a follow up to my original post at losing my precious Great Dane. At the time we had to decide to put him to sleep and it was hard to know why he was bleeding internally without further workup and prolonged agony for the very baby I loved and adored. The decision was not an easy one due to the unknown and of course due to the "age" he was supposed to have been when I brought him into my family. But the fact remained that he was already in shock and needed blood transfusions and that would of just been the beginning of the end at that time, so we let him go to a better place. Anyway, I wanted to let everyone know that I received yesterday by mail a card from Dr. King, Jakees Vet. I would like very much to share what she wrote personally to my family and what she did for Jakee that would bring closure for myself and my two children that had fallen in love with this wonderful animal. I can only be so fortunate to have found someone so caring as Dr. King to treat my new Dane baby and the rest of my babies in my family. Below, please read what she wrote in a sympathy card and I am going to write it word for word just as she has written it to myself. It does help me understand everything but at the same time It hurt even more to know that Jake suffered far longer than I ever imagined. I now know that Jake was from a puppy mill, probably his entire life. Explained every ounce of his actions and of course his horrible health. I do know that the people that are doing this to these wonderful creatures will pay for their torture one day when they have to answer to their sins upon the innocent. Please read what this wonderful Doctor has done for Jake to explain why he left us, although I know he is at rest and will NEVER be hurt again. That I am so grateful for. Now, I cried the entire time I read the letter as I do writing it here, so please excuse any typos if they appear. 

The Letter:

Dearest Elizabeth and Family,

I just wanted to express my deepest sympathies on the loss of Jake. I did a necropsy in hopes that you would find some closure on Jakes demise. It appears that Jake did have heart worm disease which caused right sided congestive heart failure and overwhelmed his liver. The distended abdomen was due to the blood backing up in the liver and preventing good blood flow. While end stage heart worm disease was the ultimate cause of why he presented to the clinic that day, I suspect Jake may have already had some abnormalities for whatever other reasons, with his organs throughout and that allowed the disease to progress faster than it normally should have. I do not believe there was anything that could have been done to change Jakes fate. Sincerely, Dr. King

After spending almost $700 on that visit alone, a necropsy was not an option for me although I did want to know what the heck could of happened to such a young dog. You see, Jake weighed only 66 lbs when he came to me. 6 weeks later he weighed 96 lbs, the day he was put to rest. He ate and he gained. However, we now know Jake could not of been a young Dane. I was told he was six months old when he came into my home by the "breeder". He probably fathered several litters of puppies in his poor health. He probably never walked the earth free.He was completely terrified of EVERYTHING! His own shadow startled him into a shutdown to which he had to be carried. He had to be carried in and out of the house due to no muscle tone. Oh how we worked with him to gain muscle tone. He started to where he could jump up on my bed without assistance. He started playing with my Chiweenie and dancing around in happiness. He finally realized what a toy was, he never really "played" with the toys, but he sure had a toy in his mouth every time you saw him. Oh and what a talker he was. He would talk to you like he was holding a conversation. His eye was healing and he had the most beautiful face with those eyes that looked into your soul. His feet were severely splayed the day I brought him in, however that was not the case in the end. His feet sprung up with proper diet, just his insides were too far gone to save him. The abuse was too grand. He was so sweet and so loving and so giving. You would of never thought this animal was ever abused by a human hand in the way he displayed his loyalty to anyone who offered to pet him or show him any attention in my home. It took us a while, but he walked beautifully on the leash, once he realized it was not used to beat him. He was terrified to go too far. Each car that would pass made him jump in fear and coward down to the ground. But he progressed and he would watch the cars, but he knew he was not going to be hurt by them, they were just big and noisy. He was truly an unsocial creature due to no fault of his own for he wanted so much to participate in everything we wanted to do, but the fear was overwhelming. He knew what nothing was and the fear was overwhelming. Beautiful days with the wind blowing the trees and the leaves blowing on the ground would terrify him. Anything that moved jolted his spirits. That was ok, I had plenty of time to teach him he would be ok. The beauty of the world around him. I was so very wrong only because I knew nothing of where he had come from. I just loved him and I wanted him to flourish and forget his short past, so I thought. And what is horrible, Jake is not just one - He is one of many. 

Now I know that he gained weight not because he was a growing, getting well puppy Dane. He was gaining weight due to the mere fact he was starved to death for a very long time. His ribs did not show due to the overwhelming edema he suffered due to disease and failing organs. I do not want to depress anyone any further. I wanted to share the wonderful letter my Jakees doctor sent to my family after performing a necropsy to identify what happened to this precious animal that was only supposed to be 8 months old. I have not spoke to her personally yet but have made an appointment for this Saturday to do just that and to give her my heartfelt gratitude. There are wonderful people out there and she is one of them. If not for her, I would of never known why I could not help this baby boy survive his ordeal of abuse. Now I know I was a victim as well. 

Thank you everyone for listening to Jakees story. He was truly a wonderful and beautiful animal as you can see in his picture I have following this post. You all have been so wonderful to us I thought I should share the reasons behind Jake's sad story. However, in the end, like everyone of you have said, he was in the hands of people who truly loved him. That makes me happy. I just want the suffering of puppy mill animals to stop! How in the world do we save them? I had no idea I, myself had my hands on a dog that lived an entire life in a puppy mill.


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## Herzo (Feb 5, 2011)

This is such a sad story, I'm glad you could give him a nice ending to his suffering. I just will never know how some people can be so mean to an animal. I have to believe they WILL pay some day.

That is such a nice letter your vet sent to you and so nice she went to the trouble to find for you what had really gone on. 

Jakee rest in peace.


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## Lia (Dec 15, 2012)

ibelongtoJake said:


> I think this is an awesome price! Thank You so so much. I am going to look into ordering one. Wow, I have looked over and over and of course they will not tell you if they can handle bones or not from what I have read. Thank You for the information. It really makes me excited to hear this. Of course, I will want to feed bone and all without grinding eventually, as I always have because they love it so very much. I really want to start off with making ground patties, especially for the baby (probably me mostly) however, I have some news to shed some light on Jakees death. I am going to explain below.
> .



They say right on the website that it is great for people who feed their dogs a raw diet. I too am grinding the bone portion for my girls right now. We are about 2 months in, and my one girl is a gulper so that's why we decided to grind. I did a ton of research before I chose this one, it is one of the lightest in weight, not too noisy, and best price at the place I mentioned before


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

Thanks Lia, I just ordered one. I can't wait for it to get here. I could not find one that mentioned grinding for feeding a raw diet with this one exception so I feel it will be used a lot.


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## thegoodstuff (May 12, 2010)

ibelongtoJake said:


> I do know that the people that are doing this to these wonderful creatures will pay for their torture one day when they have to answer to their sins upon the innocent.


Yes, there must be a special place in hell for those that abuse animals.




ibelongtoJake said:


> The beauty of the world around him. I was so very wrong only because I knew nothing of where he had come from. I just loved him and I wanted him to flourish and forget his short past, so I thought. And what is horrible, Jake is not just one - He is one of many.


I can think of nothing more difficult than saying goodbye. I struggle with this everyday even though the time is (hopefully) still somewhere on the other side of the horizon. But it is the way of it and it is something I cannot change. In reading about pet loss, I saw this quote: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." If dogs are one thing, it is pure of heart.

Im sure Jake understood how much you put into helping him and how much better his life was after coming to you. I am sorry for your loss.


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## ibelongtoJake (Jan 19, 2013)

thegoodstuff said:


> Yes, there must be a special place in hell for those that abuse animals.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


what a beautiful quote, just for Jake and all the others that need it. Thank You. Your all tremendous. We share alike, the love a dog has to offer unconditionally. They ask for nothing in return and they are so easy to love.


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## kevin bradley (Aug 9, 2009)

I am so sorry. Jake sounds like a special boy.


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