Can I vent about my mother in law for a moment.... please?

[whiteleo]

Fortunately, I married a much older man and don't have to worry about my husbands parents, although he does have 4 children and 6 grandkids. Inlaws regardless of which side their on will always be a factor in your relationship, my husband can do no wrong in my mother's eyes and if I say anything to the contrary it is always my fault, go figure! Good luck with this situation Linsey, just know your not the only person in that boat.

[wags]

Your mother in law seems to be a bit overbearing. She has to let that umbilical cord to her son either stretch a bit farther and accept you as his wife or cut the cord! Which I am sure is what you would like but this will not happen! She seems to be taking advantage of the situation though too!I have 5 kids they are not yet married, but I do let them pick and choose who they want to date, I don't interfere this way, and let me say so far I have only seen one person I would not like my one son to be with she seemed hmmmm a little starnge, immature, which was my impression but that is only one so that's not to bad. Learning to accept one another is also strange probably for all! But to me what you have said she seems to really like you. But I would actually tell her what I felt. I would say gee Love you a lot Mom, but we need our space and maybe you could call like around whatever certain time you guys can all talk together versus 3 am maybe like after your hubby comes home from work or whenever is convenient for you. Gee and a once a day call should suffice. I have a 78 year old mother in law whom I have yes had my differences with but we are really close. I call her or she calls me once to twice a week! I remember when I had my first child of course who was first to call as we just walk in the door of our home HER! I was so ticked. I was like oh my god is that your mother? My mother would not do this so to be fair I shouldn't compare the two either! But anyway she wanted to come over and I said ((finally got my nerve up)) NO! It was too soon she would have to wait! She did wait a couple days UGH and then came so all was well but it was pretty cold if you get my drift when she did come haha! So I do sympathize with you on the calls and the texting and the way she seems pushy but I really do with everything think she is just trying to fit into your guys life but a bit too much ummm way too much!!!! So I would definitely tell her politely to call once a day and to text you, just not so much! Gee maybe a couple times a day versus 10 to 15 yikes haha! Sometimes you do things that you don't want to do but you have to do things not to offend her! Its a hard slippery slope! Mother in laws and daughter in laws! I am a daughter in law, so I know haha! I have to wait to see how it will be when it comes to my turn being a mother in law but I think I will be one of those that has learned from situations that I have been in not to meddle!

As for the other problem with the business! Ugh another slippery slope! When I read what you have said actually your mother in law did not let your brother complete the job and that is a good defense. He has the records to prove she told him to leave and it is really her fault for doing this. If she had somewhere to be she should have trusted him to be there alone (he is your brother so what would be wrong with that) and she should have let him finish the job he was doing! So I can't see her ruining anything for the business! She can threaten but she cannot do an awful lot about this because is was her own fault!

Good luck with your Mom in law! They can be overbearing and also very loving! But do state your opinions to her not being mean but being nice! Its like walking on egg shells! Treading water!

I hope that everything works out good for you!

[SubMariner]

Okay, so I have a mother-in-law, and she's freaking nuts. She's so sweet to us, and very very generous. (hell, she's giving me $25,000 to invest in a business, and that's just the start of the things she's done for us.)
But at the same time, this woman drives me up the wall, pull my hair out, scream into a pillow, NUTS. She called on our wedding night to see "how things were going." She drops by at 6am to see if we want to have breakfast with her. I mean, after all, she cooked it all up and brought it with her! She calls Jon at 3am to say hi. She texts me not even kidding, maybe 10-15 times per day. If we so much a have a houseguest, she drops off pizza and cookies, which is a nice gesture, but for hell's sake, we're not 13 anymore!

So, that's the beginning. Now, my family owns a water softening company in Utah, one my grandfather started a long time ago. When we moved into our house here in Vegas, I couldn't stand th hard water, and my brother came down and put a system in our house. Ahhh reverse osmosis showers. Anyway, said evil mother-in-law said she wanted one too. So he put one in her house. He was searching for the drain line, just to make sure the tube and the drain was lined up properly. The drain I'm talking about is usually in the garage somewhere, and it's closed off during construction, but punched out by the contractor when construction is complete. Anyway, he searched for about 30 minutes an she kept trying to rush him because she had to leave. Finally she told him to jsut go, and if there were any problems, then her contractor father would take care of it. He told her over and over that he wanted to just check it, to be sure. She eventually flat out told him to leave, that she couldn't wait anymore, and he made certain she was sure, even asked if he could come back later to look for the drain line. (this drain is put to use once per week when the softner cleans itself, and dumps the water, so it wasn't an immediate, must be done this instant thing) She told him to come back the next day, which he did, and she never showed up.
Well, the contractor never punched that drain out at all, and turns out it was located in a closet upstairs (what the heck... seriously?) and it flodded her house. Now she's making all kinds of threats to "bring the company down" and that she's going to be "their worst nightmare" and calling my brother incompitent and stupid and unprofessional. (my brother, the person that waved the $1000 labor fees and gave up his sales commission and did her install UNPAID for comissions, and drove 6 hours to do it all. She's also denied any of the conversation took place, and claims that he told her the job was done. She's also denying that he was supposed to come back the next day, even though she called him the day after standing him up to apologize for forgetting.
this woman drives me NUTS

Unfortunately, there are several issues all rolled into one here.

First & foremost you need to have a talk with your s/o & agree on boundaries for your MIL. Then you BOTH need to talk to her about it. She needs to respect your privacy & independence, but it won't happen unless you assert it.

As for the other issue, the best thing would have been NOT to take on the job at all. Since your family did, the next best step would have been NOT TO DO IT UNTIL ALL THE CHECKS & BALANCES WERE DONE, AND DULY NOTED IN WRITING. And if they were not, then again, the job should not have undertaken. Because now it's "he said vs. she said", which never works out to anyone's satisfaction.

Keep out of the issue between your MIL & your family. They need to work that out on their own.

[CorgiPaws]

As far as your brother's situation, don't get into the middle of it. And certainly don't let it get in the way of your relationship, that is more important in the grand scheme of things. This situation is between your brother and MIL. I know that your this is a family matter, but it is between them and they are both adults and can handle their own...I hope.

Yeah, I've tried not to voice my side to her (though of course it's with my brother) because I don't want to get in the middle. I didn't even react when she flat out said to my face that he was an incompitent idiot.
My husband was there when she waas telling him not to worry about the drain and to leave. (she's denying that conversation ever happened)

Does Jon know how you feel about his mother?

Not only does he know how I feel.... he feels the same way.
It's a vicious cycle though. She gets crazy overbearing, we get fed up, tell her we need space. Then all is well for a while, and then she goes flipping NUTS, and starts putting on the major guilt trip, calling jon in hystarics for not "loving her anymore" and pulls the "i'm not going to be around forever" crap. Then he feels stretched too thin and gives in for a while. I try to stay out of it. Jon knows how I feel about it so I try to keep my mouth shut. I know how I'd feel if he constantly told me how much he hates my mom. (though it wouldn't happen. He adores my mom. he's even said a few times "why can't my mom be more like yours?")

As for the other issue, the best thing would have been NOT to take on the job at all. Since your family did, the next best step would have been NOT TO DO IT UNTIL ALL THE CHECKS & BALANCES WERE DONE, AND DULY NOTED IN WRITING. And if they were not, then again, the job should not have undertaken. Because now it's "he said vs. she said", which never works out to anyone's satisfaction.

Well how were we to know she was going to go nuts like this? She seemed entirely "normal" for lack of better word until after that took place.

I understand that people think it's terrible to do business with family. My family has done it forever, with no problems. We just don't get like this. Any member of my family would bend over backwards for another, and expect nothing in return. We've loaned money to eachother, done business with eachother, lived with eachother, and never had the slightest problem. Family feuds in my family are entirely unheard of. So if this is a "normal" problem for most families who do business with eachother, thank god my family isn't normal, because if they were, I probably wouldn't care to be a part of it.

[Ania's Mommy]

It's times like these I'm glad that my MOL lives in Poland and dosen't speak English!

You are very luck to live in a family where you can help eachother out like that. Unfortunately, that is not typical. My husband is a contractor and has been taken advantage of more than once. :(

Your MOL sounds like a lady I work with. Her boys are HER LIFE. I feel sorry for their future wives. She is very well-meaning, but stifling in her ways.

I feel for ya, girl!

Richelle

[spookychick13]

Yes, I am definitely grateful that my MiL is in the UK. WHEW.

[SubMariner]

As for the other issue, the best thing would have been NOT to take on the job at all. Since your family did, the next best step would have been NOT TO DO IT UNTIL ALL THE CHECKS & BALANCES WERE DONE, AND DULY NOTED IN WRITING. And if they were not, then again, the job should not have undertaken. Because now it's "he said vs. she said", which never works out to anyone's satisfaction.

Well how were we to know she was going to go nuts like this? She seemed entirely "normal" for lack of better word until after that took place.

I understand that people think it's terrible to do business with family. My family has done it forever, with no problems. We just don't get like this. Any member of my family would bend over backwards for another, and expect nothing in return. We've loaned money to eachother, done business with eachother, lived with eachother, and never had the slightest problem. Family feuds in my family are entirely unheard of. So if this is a "normal" problem for most families who do business with eachother, thank god my family isn't normal, because if they were, I probably wouldn't care to be a part of it.

I'm not saying that it's "terrible to do business with family", but given your litany of complaints about this woman, how could it NOT lead to problems? 20-20 hindsight notwithstanding.

Bonne chance,

[CorgiPaws]

I'm not saying that it's "terrible to do business with family", but given your litany of complaints about this woman, how could it NOT lead to problems? 20-20 hindsight notwithstanding.

Bonne chance,

I should have been more specific!!
Prior to the wedding, there were no complaints. None.
That was Dec. 18.
The sofner was installed less than two weeks later.
She hadn't shown us the crazy unstable side of her yet. And Jon says he's never imagined his monther would act like this over anything.

[xxshaelxx]

I'm sorry, but I have to...it almost looks as though you tried to say 'monster' instead of 'mother' there in your last post, Corgi! Hahahaha!

[CorgiPaws]

I'm sorry, but I have to...it almost looks as though you tried to say 'monster' instead of 'mother' there in your last post, Corgi! Hahahaha!

Haha! Maybe my subconcious (sp?) came out for a bit there.
I DO in fact have a MONSTER-in-law!!