Marriage, how did you do it?

[bridget246]

I keep running from it. I don't know why. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I have some serious commitment issues.

BTW, if ever running from settling down do not play Catherine(PS3) for relaxation. That game ran me right into it. It was so weird seeing my problems in a video game. They even took away my greatest excuse of not having a ring. It doesn't matter and it doesn't have to be special?

So confused!

Hopefully my gf never reads this thread. I doubt she ever will. If she did I'm probably faint.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

Quotes like that worry me even more.

[magicre]

i am not the marrying kind. and i waited a long time to get married.

so it's a one day at a time, plus finding a commonality of language in order to communicate effectively.

it's putting one foot in front of the other and it's about building a trust bank with every day of your lives.

it's more important to like my man than to love him. respect is part of the whole recipe, as is trust.

and when the bloom wears off the rose and the plumbing no longer works, you damned well better be the best of friends.

other than that, nothing else matters.

[Makovach]

When you find the right person you will know. I'm 19, im young. My bf and i are planning to get engaged, but we dont want to get married right now. not for a few years. before i met him, i didnt even believe in love.

[frogdog]

I'm turning 40 in March, have never married and in this society considered strange especially being a female. I always said in my 20's...would never marry before 30...then, 30 came and changed to 35...honestly, don't ever think about it. It has never been important to me. I've been in some long relationships...5 yrs, 8yrs, 3 yrs and now almost 7...so, that takes me to 17 yrs of age, LOL. I get asked ALL the time by men..."why not"..."how is that possible"...etc etc ect. It bewilders people.

I have to be honest just the word "marriage" use to make me cringe.

Also, depending on how young you are...you have the rest of your life. Enjoy the present.

[magicre]

I'm turning 40 in March, have never married and in this society considered strange especially being a female. I always said in my 20's...would never marry before 30...then, 30 came and changed to 35...honestly, don't ever think about it. It has never been important to me. I've been in some long relationships...5 yrs, 8yrs, 3 yrs and now almost 7...so, that takes me to 17 yrs of age, LOL. I get asked ALL the time by men..."why not"..."how is that possible"...etc etc ect. It bewilders people.

I have to be honest just the word "marriage" use to make me cringe.

Also, depending on how young you are...you have the rest of your life. Enjoy the present.

well, happy almost birthday to you....and i felt the same way.

i had things to do, places to go, people to see...

and then the honey caught me with food poisoning...and, well, here i am....i tole him i would stay with him forever...but he wanted marriage.

and i've never looked back. sometimes, i guess, it is nice to be wrong about an institution. i was in my late thirties....

[xellil]

I wouldn't be married today except i wanted my hubby to have insurance and my company didn't offer significant other insurance back in 1999.

I agree that your age probably has alot to do with it - if you're 25 that's understandable. If you're 40 you may just not be the marrying kind :) That you are playing PS3 tells me you are probably not 40.

[tuckersmom20]

Well...

Coming out of a relationship that lasted 6 years, includes a house.. 5 dogs and plently other things that we've built together... i can tell you im skeptical of marriage.
I dont mean that in the bad way that i just dont know why people do it... it's more of a "how come i get so close then it all goes off the rails and im alone again?".

It was good for 3 years, after that it all went wrong. In the beginning i was happier than anything.. knew what i wanted, it was him.. knew i wanted marriage... but he just kept delaying it... just couldnt commit.
Now that i see this in writing... i feel i was the idiot for staying around waiting.
So we bought the house July 2009... December things went so wrong. He got heavier into drinking and days before xmas he came after me... i feared for my boys life and mine.
Things got better eventually, but i never trusted him. I also had HUGE resentment towards him.

So hear i am single as of 2 weeks ago.... thinking...why me? Why do i get so close and then poof its ALL gone.

To the OP.... i hear you completely.

[Donna Little]

If you're running, then don't even consider it. Marriage is not a commitment to be taken lightly. I've been married 22 yrs and have been VERY happy. My hubby and I are extremely compatible but even with that said, there is an awful lot of compromise and respect that has to be given and taken.
I've never had a lifelong friend but know people that have and I wonder how they do it. Seems so difficult to always get along with a friend that you don't even live with, or be willing to forgive in times of arguments, so how is it possible to stay married? You HAVE to go into it having no doubt this is your soul-mate. I fully intend to be with my hubs til death do us part. (And no, I don't mean until I kill him. At least I don't think so....)
Seriously, it's a commitment like no other and unless you think you want a divorce under your belt just keep saying "not yet" until you know she's Mrs Right. Even then the best laid plans can fail but you're certainly more likely to give it your best shot and try hard to make it work. Good luck!!

[frogdog]

well, happy almost birthday to you....and i felt the same way.

i had things to do, places to go, people to see...

and then the honey caught me with food poisoning...and, well, here i am....i tole him i would stay with him forever...but he wanted marriage.

and i've never looked back. sometimes, i guess, it is nice to be wrong about an institution. i was in my late thirties....

Thank You, Re!

Exactly, I use to feel that I had the rest of my life to marry but only live my 20's once. Eventhough, I've been in some long relationships...there were break-ups in those years and getting back together nonsense...wasn't going to try and cypher thru all that and figure exactly how long.

The relationship I'm in now...can't imagine not being together...still marriage is not necessary or important.

[Makovach]

I used to constantly think i don't want to get married because I cant know for sure if it would last and I like half my stuff with the other half of my stuff.

I wouldnt ever rush into anything like everyone said. And if you have doubt, dont!