Marriage, how did you do it?

[hmbutler]

Well I'm 23 (24 in 3 weeks) and I've been married nearly a year and a half. People say they aren't getting married for whatever reason (they want to travel, do certain things, "live" while they're young etc), but I don't see what difference it makes. Getting married to my husband has made little difference in our lives - we were already living together (we have since we were together for about 3 months), we're committed to each other, and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together regardless of marriage. We got married just because it's something we both wanted to do. Though in the end, it is just a piece of paper (we arent religious, so it's not for that reason), and the difference it has made to our lives is minimal... I now have a husband instead of a boyfriend, and wear two rings on my wedding finger, that's about it lol. The things we wanted to do before we got married, we will still do them, because we would have done them together regardless.

I definitely say do not rush into things, and it is a huge commitment that it really sounds like you are NOT ready to make (and can't be talked into making - you will either be ready, or you wont, in your own time). But in my situation, marriage was just another step, because we were already in that place, and we knew the direction we were taking our lives in. It worked for us, and we've been together 5 years. I have friends who have been together 9 years and just got engaged, and another couple who have been together 7 years and though they've talked about marriage, the guy is yet to give in and buy a ring lol.

Every situation is different. If you don't feel right getting married, DONT DO IT. But you should talk to your girlfriend about it - it may be a deal breaker for her, and it'd be better that she knows now. My brother and his gf just split up because she wanted marriage and babies right now, and he wants to finish his degree and get his career started before any of that. Neither was willing to compromise, so they ended it.

[DandD]

Mine was a very long road of "failed" relationships that showed me what I didn't want, and when I met my husband I realized immediately that what I did want was to be with someone who I was comfortable being completely myself with, I can tell him anything, whether I'm angry, happy, sad, whatever; and he lets me explain myself, and I love that about him!!!!

What you said that you can't imagine not being with her reminds me of a friend of mine back when we were in our early 20's, he had this amazing gf & he said to me one time "I'm gonna marry a girl like her one day", I thought "hmmm, why not just marry her?", well a few years later he did, a few months ago they celebrated their 15 year anniversary. I'm just saying

[xellil]

My parents were married for 53 years. My mom died in 2008, my dad died last month.

My mom and dad never bought each other presents or cards, but right before she died my mom bought my dad a card for his birthday which basically said her life had been perfect with him and she wouldn't change a thing. Not one of her kids could ever remember her buying him a card before, and neither could he. She died three months later.

That's the kind of marriage I want - to look at my husband after many, many years and think "I wouldn't change a thing."

[frogdog]

Every situation is different. If you don't feel right getting married, DONT DO IT. But you should talk to your girlfriend about it - it may be a deal breaker for her, and it'd be better that she knows now. My brother and his gf just split up because she wanted marriage and babies right now, and he wants to finish his degree and get his career started before any of that. Neither was willing to compromise, so they ended it.

I agree, you should give her the respect of knowing your true feelings/concerns regarding the subject. I informed my BF early on marriage and children were not what I wanted. It was important to let him know because it was something he desired. It was not a deal breaker for us. Have we discussed the possibility...yes but not often. Oh, you never know, things could change...may decide to run down that aisle and pop a baby out any day.

The guy I dated off and on for 8 years gave me an ultimatum...marriage or he couldn't do it anymore...se we didn't.

[eternalstudent]

My opinion (for what its worth) Marriage should be something that happens not something something that is sort after. If it is your goal to get married then I don't know how it can last once you've achieved your goal.

I'm 32 not married with no plans either way.

[lauren43]

Reading this thread makes me jealous of many of you. I don't know if it's because my parents have pushed it my entire life or not but I want to be married one day and not in the crazy distant future...but I was also raised to think you get married then have kids and I know for a fact I want kids one day.

That being said I'm in a relatively new relationship that most likely won't lead to marriage, sometimes it's nice to just have a companion.

I just wish I was more like some of you guys, not married and not worried about it.

[naturalfeddogs]

My first marriage, was pretty much to get out of my parents house. Wrong reason. Only one year of the three year marriage was good. Now, second marriage, no wedding just five minutes at the courthouse and eleven years later....just fine. If you are running from it, I would say its not the right time for you. But when it is right you will know it and have no doubts. Thats the feeling you want to wait for.

[xellil]

My first marriage, was pretty much to get out of my parents house. Wrong reason. Only one year of the three year marriage was good. Now, second marriage, no wedding just five minutes at the courthouse and eleven years later....just fine. If you are running from it, I would say its not the right time for you. But when it is right you will know it and have no doubts. Thats the feeling you want to wait for.

Ha - me too. Went to the courthouse, took three photos and lost the camera. Cheapest wedding in the history of mankind.

[naturalfeddogs]

Ha - me too. Went to the courthouse, took three photos and lost the camera. Cheapest wedding in the history of mankind.

LOL! At least you got pictures! We didn't even get those. Thats OK though. The "wedding" was cheap and the marriage has been great!

[Mondo]

We're all different. I got married at 37, she was 24. I had lived common law in the past and that didn't work past a couple or three years. So when we started talking about moving in together, I figured why not just get married? I didn't take it casually, I understood it is a commitment, also realized that sometimes these things don't work out. We can't predict the future. We got married in our house with just family, and then dinner a hotel. It was supposed to be a yard wedding, but it poured all day. Good luck everyone said. 15 years in July. There are different forks in life. Most of my life I avoided making choices, but realized at some point that this was making a choice too. Not sure how that relates exactly .. lol.