The latest.

[Northwoods10]

Hey everyone.

I know I've been MIA.

The latest with me.....well..its a long story!

As of last Sunday, I had moved into the rental house that I had planned on staying at for a few years. Cheap rent, he would allow all 3 of my dogs and I was somewhat comfortable with the house since my best friend had lived there for 2 years previous to me.

Thursday of this week, I got some news from my ex husband. He was refusing to pay for all of our house as long as my name was on the loan. His request was that I pay for half or he would walk away from it. Not only ruining his credit but mine too.

At this point, I can't do that. I am losing enough as it is. I can't just let my credit go by the wayside too.

Of course, he waited until I had already moved out and told my landlords I would be there for the winter. I haven't signed anything as far as terms or a lease with that house. But I still feel like a piece of $hit because I led them on to think they had someone there for the winter. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It is IMPOSSIBLE for me to stay at the house with him. That has made itself very clear over the last few days.All we do is fight.

THANK DOG my parents are ok with me staying at their place (which is 5 miles, tops, from our house) until I get on my feet and the divorce is final. They're also ok with all of my dogs spending the night a couple nights a week over there. I will have the entire upstairs to myself. But, I know its still going to suck living with my parents. I'm 25 years old. I never expected to have to move back in with my parents. I can't afford to rent + all the utilities AND pay for half the mortgage and whatever else he needs at *our* house. But still I am thankful they are ok with me being there and helping me get started again.

My mom divorced her first husband at 25. My dad divorced his first wife at 23. They've both been there, done that.

For anyone who has doubts about good parenting.....can I please point this out????
..................................My parents have always been kind of "tough". Now I get it. They were only trying to protect me. They've lived through everything I have, and know the heartache and pain I've gone through. I have nothing but respect for them for getting through this and making a successful life for themselves.

Divorce is ugly. And Im getting the first taste of that now. I have been able to see my dogs every day, but its not he same as sleeping with them and watching them interact with each other. I miss them so much. He doesn't trust me to have all 3 at the rental....not sure why. He's ok with it if I'm at my parents. SOMETHING will have to be worked out. We will see what happens.

Thanks everyone.......and if you have ANY advice, I am always willing to listen.

[rannmiller]

Wow, I love when exes decide to fight dirty. He should have told you before you moved out that he wasn't going to pay for the whole thing and he should have been looking for a roommate. It's not unreasonable for him to ask you to continue helping him pay, but it is unreasonable for him to go about it the way he did like he's intentionally trying to mess up your life, make you look bad, and force you back to the house and himself.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, thank goodness you have such understanding parents to help you out!!

[hmbutler]

I also agree it is not unreasonable for him to expect you to still pay half the mortgage (for the pure fact that your name is on the mortgage - if the house sells, you'd be entitled to half, regardless of what he had paid off the mortgage on his own). However, if he choses to stay in the house, he should have to pay you rent (half of what it could be rented out for through an agent would be fair - as if he is renting, paying half to you and half to himself as homeowners), thus reducing your mortgage payment. This would also be the case if he got a roommate - the rent a roommate pays should be split between the two of you (though I can imagine, from what you've said thus far, if he got a roommate he'd probably keep that information from you, and not split the money with you). If you are going to pay half the mortgage and he pays you nothing for him living there, don't stand for it. Tell him he has to move out too if that's the case and you's can rent it out and split the rental income. Also, any utility bills etc should be covered solely by him (except "rates" or "taxes", not sure what you have in the US, as these would be deemed part of the ownership of the house).

That's my accounting degree speaking anyhow

Hopefully you's can sort it out, it's a shame he ruined the rental for you. I think this is evidence for all the warnings in the previous thread about how he could all of a sudden become very nasty and petty (obviously something you would hope and possibly even believe would never happen, but I think this is his last resort, last ditch effort to make you stay - without realising it, he is trying to make you feel like you will be miserable if you don't stay with him, by making your life as tough as he can).

I really hope it all gets sorted ASAP. Unfortunately if he is going to continue to be as stubborn as if you are talking to a brick wall, you may have to sell the house and cut all ties - this may even include a custody agreement for the dogs so that there can't be any arguments over them. Fingers crossed he doesn't push you to that point

[MollyWoppy]

My first question - do you have a lawyer?
This is where it is heading, I wouldn't even try to negotiate with him, it's only going to get worse (hate to tell you that). The bitterness is starting, he is going to make you pay for what you did to him (in his mind), and that means he's going to make it as hard for you as he possibly can.
You need to get advice on where you stand, what you are obligated to pay. The part that worries me a bit is that from what I understand, the person wanting the divorce has to pay the lawyers fee's for both parties. Well, thats how it worked for my SIL anyway, and she is in circumstances very, very similar to yours right now. House included, except she wants to stay in the house and pay the mortgage herself (upside down right now), but he is trying to force her out with 30 days notice and let the house go into foreclosure, he doesn't care about the repercussions, just wants to ruin her.
Sorry if this sounds disjointed, I'm tired at the moment. I'll have a think and try later on again. Protect yourself, leave a paper trail and receipts on everything you buy for the house/dogs, everything. I am hoping he still has a job as he could try for alimony as well (SIL circumstances again he was unemployed, but suddenly found a job but it doesn't allow him to live in the manner he was accustomed to when they had both wages). Please believe me, once he gets a lawyer they will be trying every dirty book in the woods. I'm not trying to scare you, just trying to give advice to prepare for what could possibly/probably happen.

[cprcheetah]

Definitely, do you have a lawyer? My brother has been going through a divorce for 3 years WITH a lawyer because she's such a nasty person lol. If my brother didn't have an attorney he would have literally NO rights when it came to seeing his son, and getting the property (which they didn't have much of anyways) divided.

It honestly sounds like he is still trying to control you....you can have the dogs if you live at your parents but not at a rental house? That's just a way of controlling the situation. I would make sure you get a lawyer if you don't have one already.

[naturalfeddogs]

I am soo sorry you are having to go through this. I have been there and done it, and its not at all fun. You are lucky you have such understanding parents. That will be a huge help for you. Everone else has already said what I would, so right now I can't offer you anything other than good thaughts. Its going to get tough, but hang in there. You WILL be fine. You have all of us here anytime to listen and give you all the advice we can.

[xellil]

So I guess the roommate to pay half is out?

[CavePaws]

:( I'm so sorry you are going through this Kelley...But at the same time I am happy that you will be happier over all in the long run. Keep your chin up!

[lucky]

So sorry to hear your having such a bad time :( hope everything gets sorted for you very soon x

[Northwoods10]

Thanks everyone.

No, I do not have a lawyer as of now. That is on my to- do list this coming week.

He always has been a controlling person so I guess this isn't a huge surprise to me. I am here with the pups today while he is at work. I'll be moving my stuff to my parents tonight. When I originally moved out, I asked to take one thing. The spare bed....and even that was a fight.

Last night I changed my last name on facebook and did that cause a rucus. He said he wanted to talk about it after work- "he wasn't ready for everyone to know". Well maybe you shouldn't play dirty then.

UGH!