More advice, please!

[Northwoods10]

Now its time for me to figure out living arangements.

He wants to try and salvage our finances as much as possible, as do I, but to a certain extent. I'm not going to risk my sanity, self improvement and moving forward on it either.

His idea is that we turn the basement into my living area, move the spare bed down there, have TV and my computer down there. We would obviously just share the main floor as far as kitchen, living area & bathroom. He would have the upstairs where "our" bedroom used to be. While I am fine with that....the biggest part of it for me is I don't think he's letting go by me being there. I think he's hanging onto every last hope that I might change my mind, and that living there will just be normal for me again and that we'd just get back together. That is not something I want. I want to start my own thing, and move forward.

He promises he will give me my own space, and we will be "room mates". While I want to believe him, I have a hard time doing so. I stayed there twice since this all ended because I wanted to be with my dogs and he could not leave me alone. He would say ok I will give you some space, then a few minutes later he'd be back down there asking questions. The same questions we've gone over and over and over again. I understand this is a shock to him, but there really is nothing more to talk about. We're in the process of sorting our bills and figuring out who pays for what.

I am grateful he is being civil about this...but at the same time I want him to move on for his own sake.

I have access to an old farm house on the other side of town for $200/month. I can't beat that rent. They really want someone in it for the winter so I feel like I need to make a decision. My dogs could all be there as well. We are going to negotiate visiting times and who gets them when if thats what I decide to do.

Reality is that he can not afford the house we have together on his own. We are meeting with our real estate agent on Thursday to put it on the market, but we were told we will lose money on the deal most likely. So....if I move out....I am essentially screwing us both over financially. If I stay....I can continue to make payments and help him out so that we don't end up losing it.

So its a matter of being financially stable.....or emotionally stable.

[xellil]

Ask your realtor about leasing - honestly, it's been saving my brother and his ex. They rent it out and that money pays the mortgage.

it might be a small loss if you have repairs or something, but might save you from taking a bath.

A house for $200 a month - I think Karma is telling you something.

I watch alot of Judge Judy (I know I know). People who try to be "roommates" for financial reasons often end up on her show.

Good luck. It sure seems like you are being really proactive.

[Northwoods10]

Ask your realtor about leasing - honestly, it's been saving my brother and his ex. They rent it out and that money pays the mortgage.

it might be a small loss if you have repairs or something, but might save you from taking a bath.

A house for $200 a month - I think Karma is telling you something.
I watch alot of Judge Judy (I know I know). People who try to be "roommates" for financial reasons often end up on her show.

Good luck. It sure seems like you are being really proactive.

This house is the house my best friend lived in for 2 years and is now moving out because she is moving in with her boyfriend. We live in a REALLY small town and I know the guys who own the house. Its their mothers old house and they really just like to keep someone there so that it doesn't get so run down with nobody being there. They're not in it to make money at all, just want someone there.

And I know how impossible its going to be for me to find a house/apartment to rent with 3 large dogs. Pretty impossible.

I think I will ask our realitor about leasing it out, great idea.

[meggels]

My parents lived in the same house for 6 months after beginning their divorce. My mom eventually moved out. IMO, it doesn't work. And it sounds like your husband is very much like my father, didn't want the divorce and just couldn't let go.

[xellil]

oh - or, maybe he could get a roommate or two to defray expenses? Maybe someone who works with you guys is looking for a place to live.

having been kind of in your husband's position, i know that there is sometimes a desire to want any reason to keep contact going. Because then the other person might change their mind. Didn't work for me, either :)

In the end, it's kinder to the other person because even though your words are very clear, the action of keeping physical proximity might be taken as something else.

[Northwoods10]

We've asked a couple of his friends if they would be interested in renting, even if it was just a couple hundred a month and nobody has seemed to interested yet.

Trouble is most of them are married....or not close enough.

[meggels]

what about posting an ad online? renting out the basement to someone else?

[whiteleo]

I'm going to be the bad person here! Because I'm a women, and because I waited til I was 37 to get married, and because I sowed my oats, and because I could have been married twice before!

Usually, for something to be over so quickly for one of the partners involved, most always there is someone else also involved. That's all I'm going to say, because I really hope this isn't the scenario....Good Luck!

[xellil]

Well, not always. I hated my first marriage and left my husband at a young age. There wasn't anyone else involved; I just didn't love him any more. I wanted someone else but I didn't know who it was because I hadn't met him yet.

[Northwoods10]

I'm going to be the bad person here! Because I'm a women, and because I waited til I was 37 to get married, and because I sowed my oats, and because I could have been married twice before!

Usually, for something to be over so quickly for one of the partners involved, most always there is someone else also involved. That's all I'm going to say, because I really hope this isn't the scenario....Good Luck!

Nobody else involved on my part, couldn't speak for him I guess.

Just not happy anymore and I want out. I'm tired of being miserable and I see no point in dragging my feet getting to where I need to be I guess.