Had the talk...

[Northwoods10]

Well I decided yesterday afternoon I needed to get it off my chest. Wasn't easy, but we did it.

We got home from work, and of course it was an especially stressful day. I took the pups outside to let them soak up the sun and just have fun. I sat on the porch and couldn't fight back the tears about how overwhelmed I was and needing to just get it all out. DH was just doing little odd jobs outside and he noticed I was sitting there with some tears and asked what was wrong. I said we need to talk.

I think by the look on his face, he knew what it was about. He came over, gave me a huge hug and said lets talk then Kell.

I told him I wasn't happy anymore, and that I didn't feel he was either. That I was sick of him always being angry, but I didn't blame him for everything. I said its both of our faults, but I need some time to think.

He was surprisingly very calm and collected about it all. He said deep down he knew it was coming, but didn't want to admit it to himself. He noticed little things that had happened lately and just was denying it all. Didn't want to believe it.

He begged me for a second chance, and promised he would change. He told me he couldn't lose me and that he would do anything to make it work.

I told him that I really just want him to be happy again, not this angry person he's turned into. I asked him if he would be interested in seeking counseling for himself. Not for us, but for himself. We both need to work on US as individuals before we can ever make it as a couple again.

Tonight- I'm at my parents. It killed me to leave my dogs and him but I had to. Last night we were both so emotionally exhausted after all the talking we went to bed. I slept in the spare bedroom and he slept upstairs. Today was more talking and tears and I decided I needed to get away to clear my head.

Its going to be a long, hard road ahead of us. And I have to figure out myself first too.

But I wanted to update everyone, and thank you all for your encouragement, support and friendship. Of course there is way more to it than I just wrote, but you get the idea.

I feel one million times lighter now that its out in the open. I'm struggling with him the most on letting me just think without the influence of him being there. He knows I need time, but has a hard time letting me go and just do that.

I think a lot of his speaking is coming from fear, but I sure hope he means what he says. He did get up and go to church this morning- which was a good sign to me that he does want to change himself and be happy again.

But, thats where we are at. If anyone has any further advice from here I would gladly take it.

Thanks DFC. You guys rock.

[schtuffy]

I know it doesn't feel like it because you're probably all confused and hurting like hell, but it sounds like it went great and you handled it really well.

My advice is...keep communicating with each other! I know it's cliche and everybody always says it...but it helps. Think of the weight lifted off your chest by letting all that out and telling him how you were feeling.

Things will probably be weird and awkward for the next few months...but if both of you want this to work, well...things always have a way of working out.

*hugs*

[Donna Little]

Tough thing to go through and I've been there and done it and it will get easier. Best of luck to you in your decisions and future!

[meggels]

Feel better Kelly, good luck.

Sorry I haven't been more supportive. It makes me a little sad to read your posts about him because it reminds me very much of my father (your husband does) and you sound like my mother. This is very much a big reason she left my father (besides his addictions). It just makes me feel a little bittersweet reading this because it takes me back to right before everything went downhill with my dad and he took his own life.

Big hugs.

[minnieme]

I agree with everyone else....sounds like this could have gone a LOT worse. Kudos to you for keeping it level. I hope he does decide to seek counseling - and I'm glad you asked him to do it for him first and foremost, not for the two of you. You are going to be okay! I know this hurts like hell, but you gotta believe it... otherwise you might find yourself in the same boat as your husband. It sounds like you are an extremely strong individual with a great support system... you will get through this. Just say that a LOT!

[rannmiller]

I'm glad he took it so well and you were able to be so honest and get it off of your chest. I hope you are able to think more clearly now that it's out in the open and hopefully through counseling you can both decide the best solution to make you both as happy as possible

[naturalfeddogs]

I'm sorry to hear this, its the first I have heard of it. Wayne and I have had some tough times together as well, to the point of what you are saying. We got through it by lots of (I do mean LOTS) of sitting down, and just putting our feelings out there to each other. We never held anything back,just honest all the way. The more our feelings came out, the better we felt and were able to talk it all through. Communicaton is a huge part of it. If you don't say what you feel, neither one of you will know how the other feels, therefore neither one will know what way to go to fix any problems. Both of you need to know where the other is coming from. Best of luck to you both, hang in there and things will come around! All of us are here anytime!

[cprcheetah]

I have always felt that communication is the key to my hubby and I's pretty awesome relationship. Yes we have our challenges, we had a spat on Saturday, but we made sure we talked about it and expressed how we were feeling etc. It's good that you talked to him and I hope he will really change, I've heard more than once people who say they will change and then never do.

[magicre]

that was very brave of you to initiate the 'talk'. very tough to do when silence is both harder and easier some times...

i know this has to hurt...having been where you are....so you will be in my thoughts....and i hope that what happens is what is supposed to happen and that everyone gets out relatively unscathed....

get some rest.....it's been a long hard road for all of you.

[MollyWoppy]

You are both going through, probably, one of the toughest times of your short lives at the moment. Now you've left for a while, the reality will really be setting in with him, that you are way past the point where you can both sit down and talk about it, where he will promise to change and then everything is hunky dory and back to normal.
If he does go to counseling, and keeps going, it will prove that he is prepared to put his heart and soul into your future lives together. I hope he does.
Good luck, stick to your guns, whichever way it turns out, you will be ok.